SMS - Save My Sanity!
by Faeore
Summary: Ash, Misty, Brock, Gary and a few other characters from me and Freaka go on a trip to Celadon Mall. What the hell could happen with 8 people, 7 seats, and a "Ford"?


SMS- Save My Sanity!

Written by Arti Cuno and Freakachu

Disclaimer: We don't remember who used Security Guard Josh in the first place in a fanfic, but we thought it was so funny we had to use it =) Credit for Security Guard Josh goes to that person who came up with him.

"Brock! Don't let them get me!" Ash cried as him, Brock and Gary hid in an attic closet in Arti's house.

Gary started to bawl into his hands.

"I'm scared! Really scared!"

"It's okay you guys, going shopping and having the girls dressing us up won't be all that bad. Sometimes I like to dress in an apron and do housework" Brock tried to calm them down.

"Yeah, the last time, and first time I ever did that was in Celadon City, and I didn't like it at all. Besides, it wasn't even my idea. It was Team Rockets." Replied Ash

Gary looked positively terrified. These guys dressed like girls? He inched away from them and scurried to the other side of the closet, which wasn't very big to begin with. It was also dark, and probably contained Spinaraks.

*Thump*

The boys froze.

"Did you hear that?" Gary whined. 

Ash started crying again. 

"I don't want to become a cross dresser!"

Brock ruffled Ash's already messy hair and sighed.

"They're gonna play "Amazon" again... torturing us!"

They all sat perfectly still, listening to the sound of footsteps and sliding objects that the three girls were moving around in an attempt to find the boys.

"Hey Guys! Where aaaaare you?" a muffled voice could be heard singing.

"Oh, DAMN! It's Misty!" Ash wailed, trying to run behind Brock only to smash into a wall, knocking a spinarak onto Gary who squealed like a girl.

"He's getting the hang of it already.." Brock mused, "He's got the shrieked down packed."

The door flung open, note it was an IN swing, and bashed Brock in the face. "Ugh..." Brock moaned, falling to the floor revealing a whimpering Ash kneeling in the corner, and Gary frozen, sitting with a rabid spider pokémon staring at him.

"WAAH!" Gary yelled, making a break for it, throwing the pokémon on Ash who squished it by flailing his arms about wildly like a chicken with its head cut off.

Brock laid muttering about the pain in his face not going away, and put his nose back in place as he sat up. "Uh, Mighty Misty strikes again..."

"You're coming with me!" Misty yelled, grabbing Ash. She turned, pulling him away turning face to face with a pissed Lilja.

"Ahem, that one is mine..." Lil said, glaring at Misty, grabbing Ash's other arm. The two began pulling in opposite direction, tearing Ash in two, Pikachu simply sat, watching helplessly.

"Pikapi...."

The two girls continued fighting while Brock followed Gary's lead and also ran like there was no tomorrow, which there wouldn't be if they'd been caught.

"BROCK!!!" Ash called, begging for help. "GET BACK HERE! I'm gonna be laying in two piece if they keep this up! IT HURTS!!!"

Brock ran down stairs, calling back, "It's useless, it's too late for you! I have to save myself!"

As he got to the end of the steps, he could see the fate Gary had met. Arti had him handcuffed, tied and gagged, laying on the floor at the bottom of the stairs. Brock turned, yelping, trying to get back up stairs. Arti finished with Gary then grabbed for Brock, snagging his hair and pulling him back. He fell backwards, bouncing on his butt down the stairs, landing on Gary who yelled out in pain as best he could with the gag on.

"YEOW!" 

Ash, Misty and Lilja came bouncing down the stairs as well, after having tripped over Ash's feet.. The three of them collapsed on the top of the group already laying there. Garry on the bottom of the pile, being sat on by Brock, and Misty who had landed in the pile, but fallen off., and Ash had landed back first on Brock with Lilja on him.

Arti hadn't been in the pile-up, and just stood off to the side With the surprising strength of a threatened animal, Gary leapt up, flinging everyone off, and started to hop out of the room. Luckily Arti was there to catch him. Everyone picked themselves up and the boys decided to surrender and go to the mall with the girls. The only problem with that was, the girls would want them to model dresses and stuff for them, among other things. That was most of the reasons they were going. The females liked to humiliate the guys.

Nakako was waiting outside in his purple van. A Ford Windstar.

"Good GOD, have you gone mad? Its a FORD!" Gary teased Nakako.

The 17 year old Nidoking boy took offence. "I didn't buy it! Well, maybe I did... Don't complain!" He picked Gary up by his shirt.

"Woah there, Nido-boy! Put me down!" Nakako put Gary down. Through the sunroof. Then fastened his seatbelt for him. Everyone else was already in the vehicle. Nakako was the driver, and Renku, the 16 year old part-charmander boy was in the front passenger side. Arti and Gary were sitting in the two seats in the middle of the van, and in the back was Lilja, Misty and Ash, with Ash in the middle of the two girls because they didn't want to have to sit beside each other.

But there seemed to be no room for poor Brock. The only one of the guys who seemed less scared of going shopping than the rest of them. Nakako opened the hatch in the back and put Brock in like a parcel. 

"Woo, Road trip!" Renku exclaimed, oddly he seemed happy about it all. He leaned his seat back as far as it would go, running it into Gary's knees. Gary batted Renku and moved a bit. "Stop squishing me you baka!" he hollered. "Put that seat up!"

Nakako sighed as he started the car and drove out the driveway and onto the road. He did NOT like the idea of having to endure this all the way to Celadon, a four hour drive, thankfully they would be staying there overnight, and not coming home until the next day.

"Why should I?" Renku snorted. "You're not the boss of m-"

Before he finished, Arti reached over and stuffed a snowball in his mouth, she'd made it with her ice powers. "Let's see if that'll dumb his tongue enough to shut him up..." she growled, forcing the seat back into a sitting position. The move was accompanied by an awful grinding and Nakako whined slightly.

"Thanks a lot, busted the seat and we've barley got on the road...."

"No problem." Arti winked, leaning her head on Gary's shoulder. From behind her she could hear Misty and Lil arguing over Ash who was caught in the middle of it all. He had his hands over his ears, trying to block out the sound, it wasn't working apparently.

Everyone went quiet other then one voice...

"I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, dee deedly deedee," Brock sang to himself. "There they are a standing in a row! Big ones, small ones, some as big as..."

"What the f-" Ash started to swear.

"Don't say it!" Lil clamped her hand over his mouth.

Freakachu was sitting on her lap and scolded him as it choked on a bean it stole from Arti's garden.

"But, what WERE you singing...?" Misty asked, confused.

"I was singing the coconut song!" He exclaimed happily. Then his voice changed and became quiet. "Anyways, I was bored."

Nakako made a face and started beeping the horn in a weird pattern.

"What are YOU doing now?" Renku pondered to Nakako.

The Nido-boy shook his head. "I'm sending out a signal."

Renku raised his eyebrow. "SOS?"

"No, SMS! SAVE MY SANITY!" Nakako then started laughing like a maniac and mock-swerving all over the road.

Everyone screamed and held on to the seats. Brock, who had no seat to hold on to, panicked and accidentally popped the hatch. Miraculously, he managed to stay in the van and close the door.

Nakako continued honking the horn, but seemed to have his Morse code a little mixed up.

"Uh... what ARE you trying to beep now?!" Gary quesclamated, "That is not SOS, nor is it SMS. That's PMS!" 

The poor driver looked suitably embarrassed.

Renku started cackling. "PMS! That's a good one! Who 'as PMS? Not me!"

"You guys are so immature!" Misty barked from the backseat.

"Nakako must mean you then, sheesh." Lilja implied.

"Can't be me..." Arti pointed out, then blushed. She smirked and clung back onto Gary's arm. "Uh, never mind..."

Everyone disregarded the comment and continued on, everything having settled down for a bit. Renku laid back again, in his broken seat, forgetting Arti's broke it. He fell flat backwards, landing on Gary's legs again. Gary shot up, and punched Renku square in the nose. "Bug off, flaming bastard!" Gary yelled.

Renku grabbed his nose, whining like a baby about how "it huuurrrrts". Gary simply laughed.

Nakako was beginning to get annoyed with all the fighting. Frustrated, he banged his head into the steering wheel, forgetting about his horn for the instant and having it go between the open part in the steering wheel and stick into the dashboard. "DAMN! Get me outta here!!!" he called out, unable to see where he was driving or get free.

As the group in the back, Ash, Lil, Misty, and Brock, realized what was happening, they all began to panic. "We're all gonna die!!" Misty cried, clinging to Ash.

Lil had a disgusted look cross her face and plowed Misty right in the nose. "Do you mind?!"

"A LITTLE HELP?!" Nakako yelled into the dashboard, trying to scream over the bickering "chickens" in the back.

Gary, who was still standing as best he could, with the car going all over the road, unintentionally, tried to help Nakako free his horn from the dash. "Yer stuck good, eh?" Renku laughed, oblivious to the fact they were racing towards a transport at the time. "'Ho shit!" he yelped, finally clueing in.

Renku started to help Gary by tugging at Nakako. Gary gave him a shove back down into his seat. 

"You're gettin' in my way!" Gary, who was still trying to pry Nakako loose, hollered at Renku. 

Renku looked put out, but grabbed the steering wheel anyway, to send the van back to the right side of the road. Nakako's horn had been impaled between the steering wheel into the dash so that the wheel couldn't be turned. With the yank Renku gave the wheel, Nakako popped out of the dash with a wretched neck, just in time to save their asses.

"You bloody bastard! I told you to stay out of the way!" Gary complained, as he sat back down, and Nakako resumed driving.

Rubbing his neck with one hand, and the other on the wheel, Nakako looked into the rearview at Gary. 

"Don't be so mean to him. Hell, if it wasn't for him, we'd be a piece of scrap metal back there!" 

Gary sulked, and leaned up against Arti. He whispered in her ear.

"This van is a piece of scrap metal right here." Arti laughed at Gary and poked him in the stomach.

Renku perked up.

"Where's that Brock guy?" He wondered aloud. Everyone went quiet once more. A faint snoring sound could be heard. Ash turned around in his seat and peered behind it. Sure enough, Brock had gotten tired of singing and had fallen asleep.

"Nurse Joy..." Brock muttered in his sleep. "Officer Jenny...." Everyone turned to look back towards him. "Oh! Security Guard JOSH! Oh, Joshy! You're so good to me!"

Ash snorted the pop he'd been drinking out his nose. He'd just turned around back to face Gary and COVERED his face in the nostril projected soda. Gary looked as if he was going to be sick.

"SECURITY GUARD JOSH?!" Arti quesclimated, making Nakako swerve again onto the other side of the road, forcing a car into the ditch. "WHAT KINDA MORON HAVE I HAD IN MY HOUSE?!"

"Uh, can we stop soon?" Misty cut in. "Er, like NOW, I need to PEE BADLY!!!"

Nakako jammed his foot down on the breaks, sending everyone forward and the car behind him smashed into the back waking Brock up. "Joshy-kins?" he asked, looking about. "Oh, er, I mean JOY!"

As Nakako had jammed on the breaks, Gary was propelled forward into the front of the van, smacking his head on the radio. Fortunately, his hair functioned like a helmet it was so hard from all the hair spray and other things used to keep it how it was.

"And your hair is on air, Gary!" Renku announced, a weak attempt to be funny, only Ash laughed.

Misty jumped up and ran out of the van, flinging the door open, and off the track. She made he way to a bush where she could be hear sighing in relief.

Lil also jumped out, just long enough to fix the door, she jumped in as it was fixed and slammed it, locking it behind her. She then went to Ash's side and cuddled up to him happily. "Much better..."

Nakako had exited the car to, giving the person that had stuck him his address and all the other things we was bound to do by law for being in the accident.

_Name: Ivanna Tinkle  
Address: 123 f**k you street  
Telephone: 1-800-BEEN-HAD_

Nakako handed the person the phony paper, thinking Misty had already returned. He jumped into the van and sped off again, leaving to person yelling at him from behind.

After a few minutes of driving, he looked in the rearview mirror, something/one wasn't there, "MISTY!" he exclaimed, realizing she wasn't in the van after all.

"Oops, it seems someone locked the door and she couldn't get in..." Lil said innocently.

Nakako stopped the van once more, and proceeded to turn around. He hoped that the guy that had rear-ended him wasn't there any longer. Gary sat and complained about how the knobs of the radio DID hurt his head after all, and if it wasn't a piece of shit Ford, it would have had a CD player instead with no buttons to impale in his skull.

Nakako told Lilja to unlock the door for Misty, and she did so, but not before she stuck her tongue out at Misty through the window. Misty climbed back in the van and tried to sit on Ash, but he pushed her off.

After another hour of the same complaining, going practically off the road because Nakako was only a newly licensed driver, Renku and Gary fighting, and Lilja and Misty arguing, they finally made it to Celadon. Nakako did a sloppy parking job in the lot, somehow taking up three and a half spaces.

Misty jumped out of the van first. 

"Finally, I'm out of that hot, cramped FORD!" she announced to anyone who was listening. Then she turned around and made a face because Ash was helping Lilja out of the van and he seemed to be enjoying it 

Arti, Gary, Nakako, and Renku then got out, and Nakako locked the doors, because he said there were a lot of people in Celadon looking for easy money and liked to rip out car radios.

"Ummm.. Nakako? It's Saffron that's the bad city... There aren't people like that in Celadon." Misty piped up.

Nakako shrugged.

"Better safe than sorry."

They started to go into the mall, but a loud banging stopped them. They had left Brock trapped in the back of the van! Renku let him out and slapped him on the back. 

"Eh, we were gonna leave ya there to dream about Security Guard Josh." He mocked.

Brock became embarrassed, he had been asleep and didn't' know what he was yelling or that he'd been talking in his sleep.

"Maybe we'll find a security guard Josh in the mall!" Renku teased, pretending he was gay. He jumped up and down. "Sure! We'll look all over just for you Brocky-kins!"

Brock turned redder with embarrassment as he was pulled into the mall with the others, Everyone started to group off, Ash, Lil, Misty and brock being one group, Gary, Arti, Renku and Nakako in the other.

"We'll meet back here in an hour so we can go somewhere to eat." Nakako decided.

Everyone agreed and went their separate ways in their groups.

* * *

"Oh! Look!" Lilja called out to Brock, pointed to the second level of the store above, "It's a SECURITY GUARD JOSH!"

Brock tried to resist looking, the look on his face however showed that he was thinking _Must... resist... looking... at.... security guard..... _"JOSH!" he was no longer able to control himself and made a break for the escalator, the down one, and ran all the way up it, pushing people out of the way as he ran, practically drooling.

Misty put a hand on Ash's shoulder and peered over it at Brock as he ran. "We don't know him right?"

Ash simply nodded and moved away, following Lil to the next store. Lil looked back waiting for Ash to catch up but as Misty did Lilja "accidentally" tripped Misty, sending her into the nearby fountain, head first.

Misty sputtered as she came up, soaking and glared back at Lilja. "It was an accident! Really! I'm so sorry Misty!" Lilja lied, pretending to help Misty out, only to make her fall back in rear first. 

* * *

At that time, the other group with Arti, Gary, Renku, and Nakako were in the toy store, Arti had dragged them there. Renku was twitching from all the "Isn't this so cute/sweet?"s and "Awww."-ing. He grabbed one of the toy baseball bats and began beating himself with it, finally realizing it was a foam bat. He frantically looked about, locking onto a pillar in the middle of the aisle. He made a mad dash for it and began beating his head into it.

After he had reduced the pillar to dust, the ceiling was miraculously still suspended. Arti and Gary had made their way from that aisle, to another, leaving him with Nakako, who was moving to the next aisle as well. Renku hurried after them, only to trip on his shoelace and fall into the shelves, knocking them down on top of him. Soon, he was covered in pokémon plushies, and looked like he was E.T hiding among the toys.

A young boy of about five toddled up to the mess, and grabbed hold of Renku's tail.

"Mommy! Come here, and bring money! I found a Charmander stuffie!" The boy proceeded to drag him out of the pile, complaining at first of how heavy the "toy" was, then realized that something that weighed that much must be huge!

"ARTI! GARY! NAKAKO!" Renku shouted, "HEEEEELP me!" The kid holding his tail, dropped it when he saw what was on the other end, and burst into tears.

"WAHHHHHH!!!! MOMMY!!" He cried.

Renku jumped up, and made a break for the next aisle or so, where Arti, Gary and Nakako were shopping. Or rather, where Arti was throwing stuff into a cart. Gary pictured his wallet, and money with wings flying away as he imagined how big the bill on that credit card would be. They were soon joined by Renku who looked scared as hell.

* * *

Now that Brock was gone, and Misty had been put in her place (mainly off to find replacement clothes foe the soaked ones she currently was wearing), Lil and Ash had wandered off into a pokémon trainer's shop. Someone at the shop was trying to sell Ash a magikarp but he remember how bad it was when James had stupidly been fooled into buying one, he couldn't even eat it when worst came to worst! At least Pikachu had some meat on its bones. Or there's always a tossed Bulba salad, or a nice tall glass of squir- what was he thinking?!

Ash politely told the person to bug off and looked at the other pokémon people had to sell/trade. Someone, or more two people together, were looking for a Pikachu and said they were willing to trade a meowth for it. They approached Ash, one "girl" with lavender hair, and a "guy" with fuchsia hair. They held up a meowth. "Hey, young boy, how you like to trade pokémon? We have this nice Meowth, he so friendly!" the "girl" said, hugging the meowth.

Ash shrugged with pikachu on his shoulders. The yellow electric rat shocked the two and their pokémon revealing they were Team Rocket plotting to steal Pikachu once again. "Wow, it's Team Rocket." Ash sighed, his voice a dull drone. "What ever shall we do? Pikachu, thundershock..."

Pikachu thundershocked them as he was told, though he too seemed sick of Team rocket bothering them all the time. Somehow the two rockets and meowth blasted off though three stories of the mall leaving a trail upward thought the ceilings and floors.

The two trainers and their chus, (pika and freaka) went to pay for their things they'd planned on getting while keeping an eye on the time, only 10 minutes until they were supposed to meet for lunch.

* * *

A woman in her mid 20's tried to calm down her little boy. Her guess of his problem was that he had knocked a shelf full of toys down. A worker had cleaned it all up, leaving the mother to comfort her son. His tears diminished when he spotted something up high.

"Mommy, look! On the top shelf way over there! It's a huge toy NIDOKING!" The boy hollered to his mother. He ran over to where he thought he saw the gigantic toy. What he DID see was none other than the 6 foot some tall Nakako! The boy screamed and grabbed his mothers leg who shrieked as well. 

"There's a wild Poké-man in here!" She yelled for everyone to hear. People came running to the scene, all looking for the person who had yelled, and the accused "poké-man". A Security Guard Josh arrived, and Gary made a remark about it being too bad that Brock wasn't there to see. Then they all realized that Brock WAS there, clinging to Security Guard Josh's ankle.

Most of the people there recognized Arti and said hello, while she explained that Nakako was with her, and was not to be feared. Renku, on the other hand, was a bit crazy. She looked at her watch and saw that it was time to meet the others for lunch. Nakako pulled Brock away from Josh and dragged him down the hall by his foot.

* * *

The groups arrived at their meeting place at roughly the same time and proceeded to walk to the food court. Ash made a mad dash to the fried chicken join, Arti screaming after him "MURDERER! THE POOR BIRDIES!!!" she was shaking her fist, enraged. Gary ended up trying to hold her back.

"Well, better then your persian!" Ash retorted, pointing to the Chinese place Arti seemed to be considering going to. "We all know that place is probably cat and rat!"

Freakachu and Pikachu nervously looked about, waiting for some insane Chinese freak to pop out and drag them off the put them in the next dish of anything meat related, Pikachu grabbed Togepi to be sure he didn't turn into the next order of egg foo young.

Renku was the first sitting down. He had a hamburger and milkshake, which he chose to drink though his nose while eating the burger at the same time. By the time everyone had come back with their own lunches, he laid "drowning" in his own beverage. He burped loudly and unbuckled his belt. "Ahh, that's nice..."

Everyone stopped and stared at the strange... creature... before them, un able to speak. Finally Ash said. "And I thought I was bad...." cautiously sitting, on the FAR side from Renku. Brock was the unlucky one and had to sit by him.

Lilja sat to Ash's left, and Misty butted in, sitting to his right. "Do you mind?" she asked.

The look on Lil's face showed her answer before she said it. "Yes... Please feel free to remove yourself from my sight...."

Misty pretended to not have heard and continued to eats her escargot, from the French food place, though she didn't know they were REALLY "Slugmas" escargot being SNAILS.

Brock had tacos from the Taco stand, and was hastily eating to get away from Renku the slob. Ash was across from Brock, devouring his fried chicken like they were going out of style. Nakako was on the corner between Brock and Misty. He had at least five burgers, and about three things of fries, and they were going into his mouth at lightning speed. Hey, he's a growing Nidoking-boy. Beside hm was Misty, and then Ash, with his his chicken. Lilja had ordered Chinese, and on the other side of her was Gary, with sushi, and other Japanese delicacies. Arti was sandwiched between Gary and Renku, with her Chinese food.

Nakako pointed to Misty's food while still stuffing his own face.

"Are thothe ethcargot?" He asked.

Misty nodded, eating.

"GROSS!!" Gary yelled.

Nakako picked one up and held it closely for her to see.

"I hope you know, that escargot," He announced, swallowing his food, "are snails. You are eating SLUGMA!"

Misty turned a vicious shade of green and held her throat. She turned to her left and released the ABC slugma onto the floor.

"Obviously she didn't know.." Renku quipped, still covered in chocolate milkshake.

A slouched figure walked by the table, with his head hung down. Before anyone could shout a warning, he stepped in the mess and slipped and fell onto his back, right in the puddle. Nakako jumped up to see if they were okay and realized who it was.

"Oh, it's only Chris." Gary taunted.

Arti stole a sushi piece from Gary's plate while he wasn't looking and popped it in her mouth.

Chris picked himself up out of the goo and stood up. 

"Sick, who left this here?" he asked, more to himself. He sniffed the air. "Snails?"

"Only he would be able to pick the snail aroma out of the other odd smells in that pile of hurl." Renku commented, looking slightly green himself.

Misty ran off to the bathroom, looking as if she was going to have an encore for her "performance". Chris looked at the group at the table only to see the people he least expected to see.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Arti asked, trying to steal some of Nakako's food, only to have her hand slapped away by him.

Chris hung his head, looking at the mess he was covered in. "I was hear with Rosie.... But she left me... She met someone named... Josh? He's the security guard here."

Everyone turned to Brock. He was now whimpering, his little Brocky heart being crushed. "He told me he wasn't like that...."

The two half pokémon boys at the table inched quickly away incase Brock broke into an emotional breakdown and wanted a shoulder to cry on. They made up the excuses "We're weak against water..." at that point, any excuse was better then none.

"Sooo, ... Got dumped, eh?" Arti asked, a slight grin on her face. She stabbed another piece of Gary's sushi with a chop stick and popped it in her mouth. "Saw that coming from afar... Too bad..." She didn't sound too sincere about it all.

Chris began to bawl like a baby, howling loudly. He forgot about the slimy pile of ABC snails and fell to his knees crying. "Everyone hates me!"

"Got that right..." Gary muttered under his breath.

Just then a voice was heard over the loudspeaker.

"WOULD SOME JANITOR JANES PLEASE REPORT TO THE FOOD COURT WITH SEVERAL MOPS AND PAILS! THERE'S BEEN ANOTHER 'INCIDENT!'"

Brock perked up. "Janitor Jane?! Oh WOW! I just love Janitor Janes! They're even better than a Security Guard Josh!"

Chris continued sitting in the puddle of puke, sobbing. 

Gary and Arti started flirting with each other, A LOT.

****Romantic interlude*****

"Arti..."

"Gary..."

"Arti...!"

*****Romantic interlude smashed by Renku*****

"SHUT UP!" He yelled.

Misty returned from the washroom to see the broken interlude all over the floor. A Janitor Jane appeared and swept up the pieces, while two others cleaned up the barf., moving Chris out of the way.

"Poor guy, he looked heartbroken." Misty remarked, watching the slimy, chunkified, Chris being mopped away. "You shouldn't be mean to him."

Renku's expression turned to pure intrigument. "Somebody seems to like Barf-Boy Chris. Man, it was love at first hurl...."

"It was the curse of the hurl-oine. He who slips in the puke becomes the lover of the yakker...." Gary added.

Misty turned bright red and stormed off, in a rage. Lilja seemed to throw a party by herself, doing a dance in her seat she was so happy that bitch 'n' barf was gone.

"Barf-boy Chris, and bitch 'n' barf Misty, there's names that not only literally stink but will stick..." Arti laughed.

Both the barf mates were gone for now, and the rest of the group decided to go to one of the new fashion outlets. They were about to get up and leave, when Misty came back.

"Oh shit.. or should I say puke?" Renku complained.

Misty followed the rest, and somehow became part of the group again. No one knew how, nor did they care, other than Lilja. who gave Misty the dirtiest look she could manage.

Arti squealed and held up a dress which was almost exactly the same shade of blue as her hair. She figured it would have fit before, but not now. So she held it up to Gary.

"You'd look really cute in this." She hinted innocently. Gary started to back away when he realized her intentions. Arti grabbed his arm and dragged him to the dressing room. She handed him the dress and shoved him inside. "You aren't coming out until you put that on!" She teased.

Meanwhile, Lilja had the rest of the guys in dresses, with Arti's help. Nakako wore a glittery silver evening gown, Renku in a neon pink, and very skimpy little number, Brock in a bright yellow tube top and purple skirt, and Ash in a red-fading-to-orange spaghetti strap dress. Gary was wearing the skin tight little blue dress that Arti had picked out for him. Brock was the only person who actually put high heels and makeup as well... Renku had also taken some tissue paper from some item and stuffed his dress to make it look like he had something up top. Brock and Renku seemed to be taking it like a joke, instead of sulking like the rest of the guys. Ash seemed the most embarrassed.

The girls had dressed up as well, with the exception of Arti. There didn't seem to be anything in the store that was loose enough to hide her protruding stomach.

Renku pointed to a guy who had walked into the store. It wasn't just a woman's store, there were men's clothes too, but this guy seemed to be wearing something a little different.

The Scotsman walked up to the group.

"Ach, my aren't ye a bunch of pretty lassies!" Then wandered over to the men's section.

"Hey! I always wondered what Scottish people wore under their kilts!" He exclaimed.

Gary grumbled, the dress he was wearing was too tight. "Why don't you go ask him then?" Gary remarked sarcastically.

Renku being himself decided that he would ask the guy what he was wearing under his kilt. He disappeared behind a clothes rack in pursuit of the Scotsman.

"ASH!" A female voice called, seemingly excited.

"MOM?!" Ash looked around for a place to hide, but his mother caught him.

"Awwwww! How sweet!" She motioned for some of her friends to come over and take a look, some armed with cameras. "I always wanted a daughter!"

Ash tried to escape, but the flashes of lights blinded him and he ran into some woman with lavender hair, and both of them fell to the ground.

"Excuse me Miss." Ash apologized as he stood back up. Then something struck him as odd. This person looked very familiar to him. "James?!"

James looked around and spotted who called him. His first reaction was to laugh hilariously. The twerp in a dress! But he realized that he was doing a bit of crossdressing himself. He looked in the other direction.

"I am not James!" He replied in a high pitched voice. "If anything, I do not even know who this James is that you speak of!"

Ash facefaulted. 

"If you don't knock that off, I'm going to tell Jessie and Meowth. I can see right through that disguise. No, really, put on a slip or something.. " He covered his eyes.

James blushed and covered himself with his arms. "How rude, twerp! I mean, young man!" A Freakachu had found the pokemon clothing section, and was coming back with a t-shirt for itself. It walked by James immediately and unintentionally cathing his dress aflame. James turned and scooted away quickly, trying to get far away, and remove the burning dress.Then back to Jessie in the make-up department he flew. Hoping she wouldn't realize that he had been shopping in the womans department.

Nakako growled slightly, going insane from all the happenings. He ripped the dress he was wearing off, leaving him in his boxers as he went back to the change room to put his own clothes back on, Renku laughed as he pointed at his friend. Nakako pointed back at Renku and mock laughed, asking about the slap mark Renku had on his face after returning from talking to the Scottish guy.

"Well, he wouldn't answer, so I lifted it up and looked." he started, smirking. "Needless to say, nothing."

Nakako looked at the other guys who were trying to get out of the dresses the women had tortured them in by making them wear it, other then Brock... He kept his outfit and was paying for it at te counter. Arti was waiting in line behind him shaking her head. "This is his last ditch attempt at "I'll get him to love me!" thing I believe...." she mused, referring to Brock and Josh.

As everyone paid for everything and was about to go to the next store, Nakako grabbed a few of the people and drug them along. He grabbed Arti and slung her over his shoulder, her being the one that bought the most of it all. Gary looked bogged down as he carried half of it, and she had some of it in her hands still, even with Nakako carrying her.

"I've had enough of this, we're going HOME, I'm driven far enough insane as it is!" Nakako hollered, grabbing a few people and dragging them back from where they were going. He grabbed Arti and flung her over his shoulder. Gary seemed slightly relieved that she wouldn't be able to spend anymore, he'd already maxed out on of the credit cards she had, which wasn't even hers.

The group grumbled all the way back to the car, Nakako slamming Arti in the very back of the van with her things, filling half of where Brock had been sitting and a set beside her. Everyone else piled their things in with Arti's as they entered. Renku took his place in the front again but Lilja and Ash had switched placed with Arti and Gary. Misty and Brock, however, now had no place to site.

The disgruntled Nido-boy grabbed Brock and flung him on the top of the van, his butt falling though the sun room into Ash's face. Ash slammed the sunroof shut while Nakako tied Brock down. After dealing with Brock, Nakako turned to Misty and thought for a moment. The red haired girl "eep"ed and screamed. Nakako slapped a piece of duct tape over her mouth and tied her on the back. "I'm in no mood for screaming." he indicated.

The ride home seemed far shorter then the ride there. Everyone was in shock, horrified at how mad Nakako was. The trip was somewhat uneventful, other then the few problems that occurred due to Nakako's speeding all the way. Brock's ropes had come untied other then one on his ankle which held him on but he was flapping in the breeze behind the van like a flag. Misty's gag had somehow flown off and she'd turned into "Bitch 'n' Barf" once again, sick from the ride. And finally, Pikachu, in sheer terror, soiled the interior of the Ford.

As they pulled into the driveway Prof Oak was there to greet them, he simply smiled and waved waiting for them to come in. As they did Prof Oak asked. "Home early, I see. Did you have a good ti-?"

Before the unsuspecting Prof knew what happened he was unconscious on the floor, Nakako, the pissed Nido-boy, had flattened him with one punch.

Everyone proceeded to enter the house and lounge about waiting for their their car sickness to leave or sanity to return. though they'd forgotten Brock and he was still hanging from the back of the van by one foot.

The phone began to ring, Nakako answered it, more pissed then before.

"Is this where the Prussian Gym Leader resides?" the voice on the other end asked.

Nakako grunted a "Yes..." and didn't give the phone to Arti however. "Whaddya want...."

"This is the Celadon lost and found Department. There's a piece of propriety here claiming to be called Chris and says he's from there."

"Keep it..."


End file.
